Saturday, April 18, 2009

Accountability

Accountability is  one of the most beautiful aspects of community. 

I love accountability. It is challenging, scary and unique. I had an interesting run in with accountability the other day.

I was at Giant Eagle, I had just dropped Susan off and was getting some groceries, when I ran into Mike. We started talking and I told him about my trip to Chicago and joked about how walking 15 blocks filled my quota of exercise for the month. The conversation went something like this-
Mike: That's more like the quota for a day, isn't it?
Me: What?! lol no.
Mike: What happened to your New Years Resolution?
Me: Um what are you talking about? My resolutions were to learn piano and not fear.
Mike: No you said you were going to exercise. I read it on your blog.
*pause, major conviction and ownage*
Me: Um...ohhhh that. Uh, that was just to fit in with all the regular new years...um resolutions...
Mike: Oh so you were lying.
Me: Ummm
Mike: You didn't mean it.
Me: Uh wow.

Needless to say, even though it was all in jest, I was a little more than convicted and yet, at the same time, very grateful for the accountability. 

How precious it is to live in community where we share our lives in a way that invites encouragement, accountability, truth, boldness and justice. That is the kind of community I want to live in. 

Thank you to my friends who keep me honest, who take interest in my life, who are not afraid to speak into my life and who encourage me to keep pressing on. You are the heart of Jesus to me. 

Thursday, April 16, 2009

A bigger love than me

I need to preface what I am about to say with this-
Tuesday I took an 11pm bus to Chicago. I got there at 6am, got fingerprinted (again) and applied for my visa, was told it would take a while, made friends with a cab driver and was on another bus back to Columbus by 11am. That whole day was ridiculously amazing and one miracle after another. 

Today at about 5 or 6 pm (everything's kinda a blur right now...) I got a call from the visa agency. My visa went though and is done! They are overnighting it and I will have it by tomorrow!

Can you believe it?!? I'm not sure I can. Ha! Wow. 

Ok so, let me just recap.

About a month ago the most exciting thing in my life was that I taught in my women's group for the first time. I taught on John chapter 20 and it was sweet. That week I signed up for leadership training and was pumped to be more of a leader in the group. That rocked my world and God got so much bigger. His plan for me started to unfold and I felt a peace I never had. I also got a sense that the future was going to be big and I might have to make some sacrifices to do what God had for me.

A week later I found out Tracy wanted to start another women's group. The Lord spoke to both of us and we decided to lead the group together. You have no idea how much this blew my mind. I was so totally excited and honored and thrilled. God became bold to me. He was teaching me to be bold, but he was doing it by example. I began to realize that this was so much bigger than I imagined. This was not something I was going to do, this was something I was going to have to run to stay in step with. I was terrified and I loved it.

One week after that (about 2 1/2 weeks ago) I got a message from Rachel asking me if I could go in her place to England to nanny for a dutch family she knew. My initial reaction (as was my reaction to every event leading up to this) was, "oh no way. That is WAY too awesome. There is no way God wants that for ME." That same day (or was it the next) I had talked to Edward and Jet via international phone and had made plans for me to come to England to nanny! That week things fell into place so fast it was surreal. 

Ok, come back to the now.

Let me see if I can verbalize this... God's love is so much bigger than just me. And I mean that in every sense. God loves more that I ever could. God loves me more that I understand. And most of all, God's love SURPASSES me in a majestic way. 

God has been planning all this for literally ever. Every bit of my life has been preparation for this moment, for the now. And he loves me so much. So much. 

I was just told by a friend that I do not have to worry about myself or my family because "you are in the palm of God's hand, and that is the safest place you can be". Let that sink in for a moment. How big is God? How wide is his love? How deep? What are his limits? Can he sleep? Does he have to wait? Does he obey bureaucracy? 

And see, this is where it sinks in even deeper. God's love is so much bigger than me. God's love is overflowing for Edward and Jet and baby Daan. This little glimpse of eternity, this moment in time, God cares enough to move mountains to get me to England. Why? I don't know completely yet, but I do know that God cares so much about Daan that he wants me to help take care of him. God cares so much for Edward and Jet that he wants them to be able to focus these next three months and soak up knowledge of Himself. God cares so much for my sister that he has been preparing and growing her in these past few months to really thrive and express herself. God cares so much for my Mom that he is providing for her daughters and bestowing a new peace. 

God's love is so much bigger. 

I found this Psalm last week and it felt like a personal blessing.

Psalm 138

Of David.
 1 I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart; 
       before the "gods" I will sing your praise.

 2 I will bow down toward your holy temple 
       and will praise your name 
       for your love and your faithfulness, 
       for you have exalted above all things 

       your name and your word.

 3 When I called, you answered me; 
       you made me bold and stouthearted.

 4 May all the kings of the earth praise you, O LORD, 
       when they hear the words of your mouth.

 5 May they sing of the ways of the LORD, 
       for the glory of the LORD is great.

 6 Though the LORD is on high, he looks upon the lowly, 
       but the proud he knows from afar.

 7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble, 
       you preserve my life; 
       you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, 
       with your right hand you save me.

 8 The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; 
       your love, O LORD, endures forever— 
       do not abandon the works of your hands.

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Question of the week: Is your 'God' good?