New Poem

Holding Hope's Hand

By Anna Jefferis

September, 2009

I'm trekking down the same road, trudging through the same mud

My bones grow tired, my boots rub thin, pacing through this life I'm in

Keep moving forward, it can't be far, holding Hope's hand in darkest hour

Hope pulls me forward, strengthens me on, stretching me further to what lies beyond

I am alone, companions fade from my side, save for Your Love, in which I abide

Strengthened by fruits that grow on Your vine, I choose not to grumble, complain or to whine

Hope draws me deeper, his left hand I hold, his right hand is grasping the Love makes me bold

With boldness anew, I look up to see, persevering this suffering breeds character in me

Love draws Hope deeper, and thereby draws me, further and further into this sea

I think I might drown, it is too far ahead, but Love keeps me floating, won't leave me for dead

Tossed about by looming waves, Hope gives me strength to steady my gaze

And that's where you'll find me, holding Hope's left hand, trudging through darkness, through mud and through sand

I don't grasp for Hope's right, for Love's claim is there, I am content to be left here.

---

1Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Romans 5:1-5

Book List

I compiled a list of some of my favorite books for a friend and thought I would share it with you. (Makes lots of lists is Rule # 9 of the 8 Steps to Successful blogging, dont-cha-know.)

• Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliott (I'm re-reading it now. VERY challenging and good. Short chapters, fun easy to read)
• Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge (excellent for understanding women, I learned a few things from it myself...)
• The Shack by William Young (WOW. WOW. Just WOW. A must read.)
• Everybody Wants to Go to Heaven But Nobody Wants to Die by David Crowder (Excellent book about life and grief. The most creatively written book I have ever read. It's just interesting to look at. :))
• Blessed Child by Ted Dekker (Woah. Amazing book. Fast paced, easy read, VERY powerful. About the Kingdom of God, purity of heart and the power of love and faith.)
• Blue Like Jazz by Don Miller (I <3>
• Searching for God Knows What by Don Miller (again, excellent writer. First couple of chapters are a bit dry but it picks up.)
• Through Painted Deserts by Don Miller (So basically anything by Miller I would suggest. He has a new book coming out soon! I can't wait! And he has a book about growing up as a boy, which I haven't read but would look into if I were a guy... lol This one (TPD) is very fun and powerful to read. It's about leaving home and the adventures that follow)
• The Great Divorce by C. S. Lewis (Wonderful analogy about heaven and earth and the hell that is in between. This book contains Lewis' famous 'devil/dragon on your shoulder' scene. Also, George MacDonald is a character in heaven. :P)
• Lilith by George MacDonald (One of my favorite books of all time. A beautiful novel about life and truth and what happens to Adam [yeah, like Adam and Eve]. There are so many twists and turns in this book I won't even try to give you the story line. Just read it. It's worth it. :))
• The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne (a little extreme, ok very extreme, at some points, but overall the message of this book is "Go and live boldly like Jesus and discard the chains of 'religion' that tie you down". Good book, full of life stories that is fun to read.)
• A Generous Orthodoxy by Brian McLaren (This book really impacted me. It talks about the different main denominations, where they came from and what they believe. The stories in this book are powerful and really changed the way I look at different parts of faith.)
• How to be a Christian in a Brave New World by Dr. Nigel Cameron and Joni Ereckson Tada (This book is about bio-ethics. Very, very powerful book. If you want to be in any sort of public area of influence, this is a must read)
• Till We Have Faces by C. S. Lewis (Very strange, very interesting book based on a myth. The end is really heroic and is the reason I like the verse 2 Corinthians 3:18, which is the verse for my women's group.)
• Also, anything by Eric and or Leslie Ludy. Some of my fav authors too. I've read When God Writes Your Love Story and When Dreams Come True. I want to read more of their stuff. Such good authors with great and powerful stories. :)

The books on my reading list that I haven't read yet are

• This Present Darkness and Piercing the Darkness by Frank Perettii (Both about spiritual warfare. Both of them together are like 400-500 pages :/ )
• Drops Like Stars by Rob Bell (about art and suffering. I'm super excited about this one.)
• Sex God by Rob Bell (hmm guess what that's about... sex and God. lol)
• Jesus Wants to Save the Christians by Rob Bell (Kinda based on what Ghandi said "I like your Jesus but I hate your christians, they look nothing like their Jesus".)

What have your read?

8 Steps to a successful blog

There are a few things I have noticed about successful blogging, and a list I have complied.

1. Write stuff in said blog
2. Update said blog often
3. Have a topic to write about in said blog
4. Have a topic to write about in said blog that is other than your boring life
5. Understanding that your life IS boring and no one wants to know what you had for dinner or where you are going on Saturday
6. Be funny
7. If the author of said blog cannot be funny, said author of said blog should NOT *try* to be funny but should stick with serious thought provoking posts
8. If said author of said blog cannot be funny or thought provoking, said author should buy a journal and delete said blog

Unfortunately, although I wish to be a successful blogger, I have slack in many of the steps that are required to achieve this. Bear with me as I attempt, a second time, to blog with the best of them.

For the first time in years I miss Xanga. Remember that? We used it when we were awkward teens to post about how independently creative and cool we were. I miss that you could show your "currently listening to" to "currently reading". Well I am currently listening to Owl City's myspace [I heart] and currently reading Matthew chapter 7. But by blogging that I just violated rule # 4. Ah, well... life moves on.

Tune in next time - same time, same channel - for another astounding update.

Genuinely,

Anna Elizabeth :]

South Africa, I love thee...

I've returned from South Africa and am back at the Kings Lodge in England.

Wow.

I can not even begin to express the love that I have for that country. The people... wow... some of my new dearest friends are in that country. The mountains... breathtaking. The language... so much fun to learn. The way that God is moving in the city of Worcester... incredibly visible.

I will upload more pictures soon. I still have to transfer them from another computer.

I have so much to process from this experience. So much has changed. So much has happened. I have changed. I am new. I am wiser from it. So much has changed in every sphere of my life. haha I am THRILLED with what God will do next.

Random fact that I just thought of - the album that I listened to the most in South Africa is Who We Are by Lifehouse. I'm listening to it right now. *smile*

I will be in England for another week. My flight leaves on Saturday morning, August 22. Then I will be home. HOME. Home. *smile* It is true that all things work together at the perfect time. I wasn't excited to come home until it was time. Now I can't wait to be back. It is the right time.

¹ There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

² a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

³ a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

What it means

In preparation for outreach to South Africa (we leave in 3 days!!!!!) I have been thinking a lot about what the purpose is. What am I doing this for? What does God want to do through me? How does He want to change me and use me to serve these people? 

I was reminded of a story I wrote a few years ago, based on a dream I had. Here it is, dug out from the recesses of my documents. 

Rescuing Johnny

By Anna Jefferis

8/18/06

As inspired by two dreams

 

I walked up to the edge of the crowd.  Looking down into the flood of people I could see the arena and the platform on which the leaders and officials were standing to make an announcement.  At the back of the group of leaders was the queen.  She was clothed in black, red and pale grey like a spider, her crown coming down over her face and neck like a dark tattoo.   The crowd was murmuring about the "games" that were to begin.  The sacred games that were held every year. 

 

The queen stood up and made her way to the front of the stage. The crowd hushed.  Those who did not notice and were still talking were summoned to the back of the arena and were taken away.  The queen called for those who wished to be sacrificed in the name of the games - sacrificed to society.  There were 5 teams.  Orange, blue, green, yellow and purple.  The leaders called for people from the crowd to represent each team.  At least 15 people to each team.  150 came.  I watched in horror as people from all over the crowd robotically stood up, raising their hands to join the games.  Didn't they know what they were doing? I thought. They were being called to the slaughter by their leaders.  And they are going.

 

I slowly made my way to the edge of the arena to watch what was happening. The arena was huge and filled with water. An enormous pool 80 feet deep and 1/4 of a mile across. 

The teams had been formed.  A little girl I had met earlier that day was in the orange team.  My mouth dropped open as I saw that there were so many young children, possibly that couldn't even swim. 

They all streamed passed the officials and I got a glimpse of the deeper plot. The officials were giving each person a shot in the arm with a serum as they gave them their colored armband.  It was a drug.  It was despair.

 

After everyone had gotten their armband and shot they walked into the pool and were ordered to swim laps around it.  Many were gone after stepping in the pool because they couldn't even swim.  They had been given no choice led to their death by society.  I shook as I watched at the edge of the pool.  I had found one of my friends, an outsider like me from this cannibalistic society.  We stood there leaning over the arena wall watching, holding our breath, trying to figure this thing out.  All of the sudden I looked to see the thousands of people that had started the games had been dwindled down to a mere one hundred.  Where did they all go?! I saw them just a minute ago. "They are at the bottom of the pool", my friend replied. "They are making them swim 'till they drown.  The serum they gave them takes away their strength."

 

The few swimmers that were left were throwing things out of the pool to make room to swim.  Bodies were being franticly hurled over the side of the arena as they swimmers tried to keep their heads above water. A stick hit my head.  I looked to see who had thrown it.  I recognized the boy.  He had played for a volleyball team I was once on.  He had a glass eye.  He was an outcast, a nobody.  His name was Johnny and he was no more than 9 years old.  He smiled when he saw me and swam over to the side of the pool.  "It's a drug they gave us", he said with a faint and exhausted smile, "it will be over soon".  The hot tears rushed to my eyes.  How could this happen.  Who could do such a thing to this little boy I knew?  "You're going to be ok", I said over my tears, "Let's get you out of there".  My friend and I pulled him out of the pool and I held him up.  "I have to do this", Johnny said. "No you don't" I returned, "This is wrong.  You'll be ok now."  I put my arms around him and prayed for him.  I knew the drug was getting to him and that he wouldn't last long. "Dear God, take this son of Yours and hold his soul in Your hand.  Give him peace.  Keep him safe.  And let him fear no more." I could barely talk I was crying so hard now.  Johnny was so weak.  He was so innocent.  I pushed him up into the stands and held him, telling him everything would be ok. "I have to go back.  Come on Mommy." He called me Mommy! Oh! He called me Mommy.  He must not have a Mommy. I let the tears fall on his back as I held him close.  He held my finger in his little hand.  I didn't think there was anything to do but to hold him and pray for him 'till the drug took full effect and he was gone. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw a syringe.  It was bright and had been hidden in the corner.  It shown like the sun on ice.   It was the antidote to the drug of despair that society had given; it was "The Knowledge of Love".  I grabbed it and gave it to Johnny.  He had fallen asleep in my lap.  At least I was praying he was just sleeping.  Yes I could feel him breathing.  I gave him the antidote and felt him breath deeply.  A look of calm and peace came over his face.  He was safe.

 

I looked back out into the arena and saw so many more faces I recognized.  The cashier at Wal-mart.  The mechanic.  The lady across the street.  The greeter at church.  The kid that sits in the corner every week at youth group that no on ever talks to.  The kid that picked on me in phys. ed. when I was in elementary school.  The people that everyone recognizes but never speaks to.  The people that we ignore.  The misfits and odd balls.  The uncool, the broken. 

 

The least of these. I wept because I knew know what was going on.  The game, these sacred games of society was the way that they got rid of the unwanted.  The ritualistic sacrificing of human lives for the comfort of a few.  They were told that they were not loved and thus they could afford to be in the games.  But really that was not true.  They were valuable.  If it weren't for the forgotten ones the games would not go on. 

 

All these people needed was the knowledge that they were loved.  That someone knows their name and that they are not forgotten.  I knew I couldn't rescue them all, but I knew I had to love those that were left swimming around the arena, playing in the games of society - their lives on the line.  God had showed me how to rescue Johnny; I had to love the others too.  It was not a choice.  If I did not, who knows if anyone else would.  Perhaps I was the only one left in this world that knew their names.  Their very lives were on the line.  I was scared but I made my way back through the crowd.  Oh look I know her.....

 

We are all worth so much.  "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith" - 1 Peter 5:7-9a 

Satan wishes us all dead.  He will do whatever it takes to pull us down into despair and crush us under his fist.  Never let him tell you that you are worthless.  Only the opposite is true.  Be on your guard.  You life is on the line.  Run to God and hide your life in His hands, it will be safe there.

"Then the just and upright will answer Him, Lord, when did we see You hungry and gave You food, or thirsty and gave You something to drink? And when did we see You a stranger and welcomed and entertained You, or naked and clothed You? And when did we see You sick or in prison and came to visit You? And the King will reply to them, Truly I tell you, in so far as you did it for one of the least [^[k]in the estimation of men] of these My brethren, you did it for Me." - Matthew 25:37-40

"And He will reply to them, Solemnly I declare to you, in so far as you failed to do it for the least [^[m]in the estimation of men] of these, you failed to do it for Me." - Matthew 25:45

"And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, "This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me."" - Luke 22:19

Jesus talks about doing for the least of these.  Why did he do that?  Because He was one of the least of these.  He was an outcast, an oddball.  He asked during the last supper that we "remember me."  It breaks my heart to think that we could forget Christ.  But I do all the time.  Remember Jesus.  Remember the least of these. 

 

Leaving on a jet plane

Hello! 

I am overwhelmingly ecstatic to announce that I raised all the money I need! God is so good!

I had calculated that I was £100 short. Yesterday I went to see if I could pay part of my balance with the money that I had and turns out I owed a lot less than I thought and actually had some money left over! And then I went to rebook my flight home, and it was about £500 less than I thought it would be! I spent most of yesterday humbled to tears. 

The YWAM team and I leave for South Africa on June 24. We will fly into Dubai and then down to Cape Town. The total travel time is something like 18 hours.  After landing in Cape town we will make our way over to Worcester where we will stay for the majority of the outreach. 

For the first month we will stay at a school and host week long youth camps for local impoverished high school kids. We will be mainly working with the youth in the area along with sponsoring the building of prayer houses on the school grounds and working with food ministry. 

The second month we will move to another school, a college this time, and do some of the same things. There is a possibility that we might move to the Worcester YWAM base for a week or so before we leave but that is not determined yet. There will be opportunities to go into Cape Town, go to the coast and see PENGUINS (!!!), and reach out to the people in the slums. 

Please pray for us as we work with kids and youth workers in the white, black and colored schools and communities. There is significant differences between the three cultures and we want to bring healing and compassion to these areas. 

We will arrive back at The Kings Lodge on August 12 and debrief week will start on August 17. Graduation for the DTS class is August 20 and I am leaving for Columbus on August 22. August 22, @ 3pm I will be back in good old O-H-I-O. :)

I am so excited to see what happens in the next 9 weeks! God is changing me so much and teaching me so much. I am not who I used to be. 

Please keep me and the team in prayer for unity, grace, stamina, encouragement, resource, enthusiasm, energy, joy and courage as we step out of our comfort zones a little more. 

As always, please stay in touch! My Skype is annaelizabeth89, contact me on Facebook or send me an email. I will have to go into town to get internet in South Africa but I do want to stay in contact. :) I will need the encouragement. :)

Missing you all back home and those that I have met here in England, 

Warmly,

Anna Elizabeth 

One Month

On April 20 I got on a plane headed for the UK. One month later I am amazed at what God has done. One month later, this is home. 

When I came here my world was turned upside down. I realized that I did not know who I was or what I existed for. I questioned everything. I questioned who God was and even if this was all a big joke. After many weeks of struggling, I am new. 

Change. Desperation. Struggle. Loss. Fear. Honesty. These things are the foundations of growth.  I truly believe that you cannot experience change worth keeping if you do not experience these things. They are necessary to invoke the questions that form us. 

The moment I admit my weakness, the instant that I am honest about my fears is exactly when maturity comes. I don't know exactly when it happened, but I have found my place of weakness. A place where I can come before God and say "I can't do this on my own! I am afraid, I know I will fail. Help me." 

So often we push our fears away. We think that if we keep them an arms length away we will spare ourselves the pain. But, in truth, the closer our fears are, the more we admit we have them, the faster they dissolve. Now that doesn't mean my fears will disappear - on the contrary, I may experience them more now that I am aware - but it does mean that I have found the resource to extinguish them. 

I give you peace; the kind of peace that I can only give. It isn't like the peace that this world can give. So don't be worried or afraid. John 14:27

The other day in Base worship (everyone at The Kings Lodge) the leader had everyone write a psalm. 

A Psalm

of Anna

May 18, 2009

I have not love, I have not peace

God IS love, God is peace

Fear surrounds me, accusations on all sides

My heart is eaten away by the enemy of my soul

Temptation comes and I am devoured

But the Lord comes to my rescue

Like a mighty warrior He shuts the mouths of my attackers

I have not the power, nor righteousness, nor the strength of will

But my God reigns!

The Lord God Almighty has rescued and redeemed!

I am covered by His right arm. He is my shield

Where I end, He begins

I have nothing but my God

Praise the Lord!

He has forgiven, the Lord has redeemed

Sing a new song to the Mighty Savior

His love endures forever

Amen

Hello from London!

So the DTS class and I are in London for a long weekend. :D
One of the students, John (Jisu) is Korean and found us a Korean hostel to stay at in the heart of London. Korean breakfast was unlike anything I have ever had before. :]
Yesterday the 8 of us, Joanna(Notinghamshire, UK), Britta(Germany), Suzanne(Southside of England), Ligia(Brazil), John(Korea), Jennifer(Conneticut,USA), Cindy(Belgium) and myself(Ohio, USA), walked around London for over 9 hours.
Well, got to jet, we are leaving to go over to London Tower and the east side of London today.
Sincerely,
Anna

Support for South Africa

I need YOU to support me in my missions trip to South Africa!

I am settled in, here in England. God has already begun to work on my character and my identity, addressing such issues as "who am I out of context?", "do I trust God?", "Who is God?", "what is my purpose?", and the idea of rest vs. work. It is all very exciting. 

I have been watching baby Daan from roughly 8am till 1pm an have really been enjoying learning how to take care of him. I changed my first diaper! (Well, his diaper...not mine...haha) 

Next tuesday will mark 2 weeks here in England already and I am amazing at what God is doing. May 8-10 is a long weekend that YWAM is giving the school so Edward and Jet (the parents), their class and I are going to London for 2 days. I'm excited. We will be staying in a Korean Hostel in the center of London. So the adventure continues! 

Like I said, I have really been struggling with my identity away from home and had reverted back to my past ways of considering myself a burden and withdrawing into my self. Fortunately, God and Jet caught me in that before it go out of hand and I have begun to dive into the deep pool of "who am I", "who is God" and "what does God want for me"? Part of this healing and journey has been wrestling over the opportunity to go to South Africa with the team from mid June to mid August.

I believe I mentioned about the possibility of going to South Africa with the team. I had no idea the reality of this offer. I am being offered a full-fledged position on the Mega-Outreach team for the whole 2 month mission. http://thekingslodge.com/missionoutreach/southafrica.html

The cost is around $2,000. 

So I have been wrestling with whether or not to go, if it's my place, is it selfish to go, can I afford it, can I ask my mom for the money, etc. I was feeling real confused about it until yesterday when it hit me...

I had been asking God for a sign and praying about it and not getting an answer until I realized what God had already done for me. He had completely arranged for this WHOLE trip, got me all the papers, opened doors left and right. God has made a way for me where there seems to be no way. It was when I realized this that I knew I should go. 

God has made a way for me to go. He has provided the opportunity and opened the doors. All I have to do is step through.... step through and raise the money. (Oh yeah... forgot about that part...)

I have never really asked anyone for money. It's kinda hard for me to do. But I was encouraged to do so and was told, "I think you'll be surprised how generous people will be". I am wondering if any of you would be willing to pray about it and contribute as much as you feel led. I still need to figure out how to receive funds internationally but we can cross that bridge when we get there. 

So there you have it. I am going to South Africa for two months. And I need to raise the money. Please be praying for me as I continue to walk in the unknown. Your prayers, support, emails, letters, facebooks, skypes, and encouragement makes all the difference.

Please continue to pray for me as I embark on this amazing journey. Pray for favor and faith, strength and support, hope and health, peace and power. Pray also for my family who stays behind. 

I started reading a book called "Through Painted Deserts" by Don Miller, author of Blue Like Jazz, and there is a part in the beginning that really struck me-

"And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is that your story will be about changing, about getting some beautiful born inside you, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it? 

   It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out. 

I want to repeat one word for you-

"Leave"

   Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed."

So thank you for your prayers. Thank you for your support. And thank you to those of you who will contribute financially. This is an amazing adventure. Such wonderful opportunity to venture out into other lands and to be able to share the gospel and heal the broken all at the same time! How great is our God. 

In Him^,

Anna 

The One Thing

I had a dream that challenged me with this question- 

What if you did the one thing you always promised yourself you would never do? What if you made the one mistake you judge others for the most? What would you do? How would that change you? How would you live? Who would you be?

Let me know your thoughts.

-Anna

First day in England

Today marks my first full day here at The Kings Lodge. :]

After many flight delays and missing my bus, I arrived yesterday at about 4:30 in the afternoon. Jet and Edward were so welcoming and excited to see me. I got settled and we had super with the group. 

Everyone I meet says something like, "Oh! You're Anna! We've been praying for you for weeks!!!" or "Anna! You've arrived! An answer to prayer right before my eyes". I'm not quite sure how to think about it all yet. 

The Kings Lodge is beautiful!!! The room I'm in is lovely and has two majestic windows that  overlook the front lawn. There are people here from England, America, Germany, Brazil, Korea, Malaysia, Amsterdam, among others. And someone from South Africa will be arriving later.  :]

I'm excited for the opportunity to experience it all. Daan is so much fun and so easy-going. He likes my nose and my glasses the bast so far. :P It's cool because Jet confirmed what I felt during my quite time this morning; that it's ok for me to take care of myself.  And in fact, that I need to value myself especially while I'm here, if only so that I can serve more wholly. 

There is a man from Kentucky here and also a British Lady who lived in my neighborhood and who's husband used to teach at OSU. :] How cool is that? :]

Dinner [main meal of the day] is at 1pm (in 30 minutes) so I better go. Jet lent me a book on parenting that I am going to read through. :] Praise the Lord, it hasn't rained yet! It is so sunny and beautiful out! 

Please feel free to send me a letter if you want *wink wink* the address is:

The King's Lodge 
               Watling Street
               Nuneaton
               Warwickshire 
               CV10 0TZ
               England

Have a great day! Leave me a comment so I know you read this. :) 

God bless and keep my family and I in prayer!

In Him^,

Anna :]

Grand Adventures

Tonight I leave for England at 6:11pm. 

Wow. 

Accountability

Accountability is  one of the most beautiful aspects of community. 

I love accountability. It is challenging, scary and unique. I had an interesting run in with accountability the other day.

I was at Giant Eagle, I had just dropped Susan off and was getting some groceries, when I ran into Mike. We started talking and I told him about my trip to Chicago and joked about how walking 15 blocks filled my quota of exercise for the month. The conversation went something like this-

Mike: That's more like the quota for a day, isn't it?

Me: What?! lol no.

Mike: What happened to your New Years Resolution?

Me: Um what are you talking about? My resolutions were to learn piano and not fear.

Mike: No you said you were going to exercise. I read it on your blog.

*pause, major conviction and ownage*

Me: Um...ohhhh that. Uh, that was just to fit in with all the regular new years...um resolutions...

Mike: Oh so you were lying.

Me: Ummm

Mike: You didn't mean it.

Me: Uh wow.

Needless to say, even though it was all in jest, I was a little more than convicted and yet, at the same time, very grateful for the accountability. 

How precious it is to live in community where we share our lives in a way that invites encouragement, accountability, truth, boldness and justice. That is the kind of community I want to live in. 

Thank you to my friends who keep me honest, who take interest in my life, who are not afraid to speak into my life and who encourage me to keep pressing on. You are the heart of Jesus to me. 

A bigger love than me

I need to preface what I am about to say with this-

Tuesday I took an 11pm bus to Chicago. I got there at 6am, got fingerprinted (again) and applied for my visa, was told it would take a while, made friends with a cab driver and was on another bus back to Columbus by 11am. That whole day was ridiculously amazing and one miracle after another. 

Today at about 5 or 6 pm (everything's kinda a blur right now...) I got a call from the visa agency. My visa went though and is done! They are overnighting it and I will have it by tomorrow!

Can you believe it?!? I'm not sure I can. Ha! Wow. 

Ok so, let me just recap.

About a month ago the most exciting thing in my life was that I taught in my women's group for the first time. I taught on John chapter 20 and it was sweet. That week I signed up for leadership training and was pumped to be more of a leader in the group. That rocked my world and God got so much bigger. His plan for me started to unfold and I felt a peace I never had. I also got a sense that the future was going to be big and I might have to make some sacrifices to do what God had for me.

A week later I found out Tracy wanted to start another women's group. The Lord spoke to both of us and we decided to lead the group together. You have no idea how much this blew my mind. I was so totally excited and honored and thrilled. God became bold to me. He was teaching me to be bold, but he was doing it by example. I began to realize that this was so much bigger than I imagined. This was not something I was going to do, this was something I was going to have to run to stay in step with. I was terrified and I loved it.

One week after that (about 2 1/2 weeks ago) I got a message from Rachel asking me if I could go in her place to England to nanny for a dutch family she knew. My initial reaction (as was my reaction to every event leading up to this) was, "oh no way. That is WAY too awesome. There is no way God wants that for ME." That same day (or was it the next) I had talked to Edward and Jet via international phone and had made plans for me to come to England to nanny! That week things fell into place so fast it was surreal. 

Ok, come back to the now.

Let me see if I can verbalize this... God's love is so much bigger than just me. And I mean that in every sense. God loves more that I ever could. God loves me more that I understand. And most of all, God's love SURPASSES me in a majestic way. 

God has been planning all this for literally ever. Every bit of my life has been preparation for this moment, for the now. And he loves me so much. So much. 

I was just told by a friend that I do not have to worry about myself or my family because "you are in the palm of God's hand, and that is the safest place you can be". Let that sink in for a moment. How big is God? How wide is his love? How deep? What are his limits? Can he sleep? Does he have to wait? Does he obey bureaucracy? 

And see, this is where it sinks in even deeper. God's love is so much bigger than me. God's love is overflowing for Edward and Jet and baby Daan. This little glimpse of eternity, this moment in time, God cares enough to move mountains to get me to England. Why? I don't know completely yet, but I do know that God cares so much about Daan that he wants me to help take care of him. God cares so much for Edward and Jet that he wants them to be able to focus these next three months and soak up knowledge of Himself. God cares so much for my sister that he has been preparing and growing her in these past few months to really thrive and express herself. God cares so much for my Mom that he is providing for her daughters and bestowing a new peace. 

God's love is so much bigger. 

I found this Psalm last week and it felt like a personal blessing.

Psalm 138

Of David.

 ¹ I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart; 
       before the "gods" I will sing your praise.

 ² I will bow down toward your holy temple 
       and will praise your name 
       for your love and your faithfulness, 
       for you have exalted above all things 
       your name and your word.

 ³ When I called, you answered me; 
       you made me bold and stouthearted.

 ⁴ May all the kings of the earth praise you, O LORD, 
       when they hear the words of your mouth.

 ⁵ May they sing of the ways of the LORD, 
       for the glory of the LORD is great.

 ⁶ Though the LORD is on high, he looks upon the lowly, 
       but the proud he knows from afar.

 ⁷ Though I walk in the midst of trouble, 
       you preserve my life; 
       you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, 
       with your right hand you save me.

 ⁸ The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; 
       your love, O LORD, endures forever— 
       do not abandon the works of your hands.

---

Question of the week: Is your 'God' good?

Not so fast!

Well, it's Thursday, April 9th and I am not on a flight. In fact, I have been up since 4:45am sorting through multiple pages of information from the UK Embassy. 

I found out just in time that I need a visa to nanny in England. It's real cool because as soon as I found out, not two hours later, I had almost all the paperwork and information I needed. 

One of the things I needed done was a background check. One of the things they check for are minor offenses including speeding. My record came back completely clear. 

KIDS- this is exactly why you need to be careful and wise in everything you do. That speeding ticket or that one drink could cost you amazing opportunities in the future. Be wise, don't compromise. 

So this amazing journey continues. I am so grateful for the people around me who have been encouraging and supportive. 

The Pros are-

I GET TO SPEND EASTER WITH MY FAMILY!

Cons-

Waiting

"The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me; Your love, oh Lord, endures forever - do not abandon the works of Your hands." - Psalm 138:8

England

On April 9th at 1:31pm I will be sitting on the tarmac of the Port Columbus International Airport destined for Philadelphia. After an almost 4 hour layover in Philly I will get on another plane and fly over the ocean (for the first time) to Amsterdam, Netherlands. I will be in Amsterdam for not quite 2 hours before I jump on my last plane to Birmingham, UK. At 10:30am on April 10th I will gather my guitar, 2 suitcases and my wits and travel the last leg of my journey - a 40 min car ride to Nuneaton, England and the Kings Lodge, a Youth With A Mission Discipleship Training School. 

After sleeping for a few hours to fight off jet lag, I will dive into life as a nanny. I will be surrounded by 12 or so other people from 9 different nations, all gathered in the English country side to learn about Jesus. 

I will share a room with 3 or 4 other girls from around the world. Life for the next 3 months will consist of taking care of baby Daan, Skyping with Mom and Susan, weekend excursions (if I can find a car) and developing my character. 

I know this is going to be a wonderful opportunity for both me and my family. 

Letters and such would be most welcome over the next 3 months. The address for the Kings Lodge is -

The Kings Lodge

Watling Street

Nuneaton

Warwickshire

CV 10 OTZ

England

I will also be on Skype as much as possible - annaelizabeth89 

I look forward to the continued surprises of God these next few months and upon my return. Please pray for my family and I as we are apart and as we grow. 

Dear Jesus, Father in Heaven,

You are Holy!

Break into this world and dwell among us as you do in heaven.

Give us just what we need for today. 

Forgive us and help us to forgive others.

Do not let us fall and be ashamed, show us the way out when we are tempted to sin.

You hold the power in heaven and on earth. To you be all glory. Let your kingdom reign! Forever and ever.

Let it be so.

(paraphrased from Matthew 6:9-13)

In Him^,

Anna

P.S. Can anyone suggest some good books, podcasts, music, etc that I can dig into over the next few months?

Boldness

"Whatever situation you are in, remember, God always knows something you don't"

What does boldness mean to you?

Boldness is talking to a God you can't see.

Boldness is praying for someone other than yourself.

Boldness is listening for whispers from Jesus.

Boldness is understanding when He whispers.

Boldness is hearing a request from God.

Boldness is following through.

Boldness is speaking.

Boldness is conversation.

Boldness is making a fool of yourself.

Boldness is speaking the name of Jesus. (Out loud)

Boldness is telling people God cares for them. 

Boldness is pushing through fear.

Boldness is saying yes.

Boldness is saying no.

Boldness is being open to change.

Boldness is being ready.

Boldness is understanding.

Boldness is seeing.

Boldness is doing.

Boldness is love.

Boldness is passion.

But most of all, boldness is simply being in the presence of Jesus.

 

"This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most." -Hebrews 4:15-16 (New Living Translation)

I especially like the way the New International Reader's Version puts it:

"We have a High Priest who can feel it when we are weak and hurting. We have a High Priest who has been tempted in every way, just as we are. But he did not sin. So let us boldly approach the throne of grace. Then we will receive mercy. We will find grace to help us when we need it." 

The biggest step we can take. The boldest thing we can do, is to simply approach the throne of grace. 

And when we become overwhelmed with fear or anxiety or anything that would hinder us from Him, remember, God is bolder than you can ever imagine. Jesus made God accessible to us so that we can come to Him and receive the gifts He has to give us. 

I started this week out thinking that my life would continue on the way it was. I thought the most challenging thing God had for me at the moment was to learn to be more bold. I never thought God would choose to show me just how bold HE can be. 

"By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going." - Hebrews 11:8 

Do you not know? Have you not heard?

I've been doing  a lot of contemplating as of late. And have come to the conclusion that I have not yet begun to live.

A few years back, when Matt Redman came to our church for a conference he shared a picture that has always stuck with me. He painted a picture of the ocean. We, as humans, stand on the shore, ankle deep in the water, while a whale jumps out in the depths. God calls us to come deeper into the water. Those that came before us, the saints and apostles, act as the whales (heh heh) and beckon us to swim deeper. 

I have come face to face with an area of pride. I have always held a firm grasp on pride because, "I am so deep in the Lord. I am so wise." And all this time, only my toes were dipped in the waters. 

It's kind of a blow to the gut; to realize that what you know about God is barely sufficient to call yourself his follower. I find myself asking such questions as, "Who is God?" "How does he relate to me?" "Does God truly love unconditionally?" "Will God forgive me?" "How can he possibly stand to look at me?" "Who am I?"

I was talking with a friend over the weekend and we crossed the subject of identity. She shared a story about how she had cried out to God asking who she was. God answered, very softly, "you're asking the wrong question, Who AM I?" In order to truly understand who we are, we must first ask who is God. He is all consuming and our identity is found in him. To know ourselves, we must know our Creator. 

As I mentioned, I have been doing a lot of thinking. It's very painful to think sometimes, because you know we always think about ourselves; and when you really think about who you are it can be very hard to look at yourself in the mirror. 

I have felt myself become completely disgusted with myself in just about every area of my life. And I have struggled with feeling very alone because of that. It was then that I realized that I didn't know who God was. 

So the other week I cried out to God. "God! Show me who you are! Don't leave me. Come to me again."

And that's when a friend of mine prayed for me and Papa spoke these words- "My sweet girl".

My sweet girl. His sweet girl. His girl. Me. God. He loves me. 

But how could he love me? 

It's amazing how easily we forget his love. Isn't that what happened to Eve in the garden? She forgot his love. She believed he deceived her, that he had kept his best from her. 

But he loved her. He loved her more than she could ever know. And he still loves her. He still loved her even after she hated him. Even after she walked away. Even after all the shame. He loves.

*sigh* 

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired and weary and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall, but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint. Isaiah 40: 28-31

I stand resolved...

2009 resolutions

Learn to play the piano

Exercise at least once a week hardcore

Continue reading through the Bible

Save up for a car

Do not fear

Piece together my book

-AEJ :)

Small Beginnings

It has been brought to my attention that nothing is what it seems.

Take for example - me.

Those of you who know me know that my life has a story of its own. I am alive in more ways that just living. And I know of death in a very real way. I have always been aware, in the back of my mind, that there is a greater purpose for my life.

My sister has down syndrome and because of this the doctors wanted to abort her. This was not an option for my parents and I am very glad for it. I love my sister and she makes a huge impact on those around her. :)

Susan, however, was not the only one who came close to abortion. 

I am small. I stand anywhere from 5'2" to 5'4", depending on who measures, ;) And up until the age of 10 I was so small that I wasn't on the doctor's charts. Obviously, this means that I was a small baby. 

My parents couldn't get pregnant for the first 4 years of their marriage. When they did they miscarried. Mom was devastated and still feels the pain of that loss to this day. You can imagine the joy when they learned they were pregnant with me. 

But I was small. The doctors suggested my parents abort me and "start over". 

It's a crazy thing to think that someone suggested your death before you began to live. It's incredible to look at my sister and think "this life might have never been". Or to look at myself in the mirror and be reminded that you are so valuable, your life is a prize to be won. 

It really helps to gain perspective on a lot of things. 

I am so grateful to my parents for their choice to let me and my sister live. And I am so grateful to live a life of purpose. 

"Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin..." - Zachariah 4:10 nlt 

www.abort73.com